BHS converted to hotel in hush money deal

Disclaimer: This story is written for April Fools Day. All quotes and information are fake and purely for entertainment. Please do not take any of this seriously. Ok? Ok.


Jeffery Gennette poses in front of BHS. Photo: The Register

After an investigation, the Register can confirm the CEO of Macy’s department store, Jeffery Genette, offered BHS Principal Lauren McBride a trade she couldn’t resist: the BHS campus for a lifetime of free shopping at Macy’s.

Genette is starting the first branch of his hotel company at BHS.

“Macy’s has been my favorite store ever since I could remember,” McBride said. “When I saw the red carpets at DtBHS, I just couldn’t resist Jeff’s offer!”

McBride produced false chemical tests of the BHS building indicating unhealthy air levels to secure the campus for Genette. He has been waiting years to find the perfect property to start his national hotel company. 

“I wanted a unique building in order to create a travel experience no one has seen before,” Genette said.

With old BHS’ endless amount of rooms, plus several bathrooms, a kitchen, and an auditorium, his vision for the 5 star resort could finally come to life. The Register can report that so far a rooftop lounge has been installed, the pool in the basement has been filled with water for the first time in 16 years, and E building contains the master suite. 

Rumors have spread throughout the student body as to what else has been installed.

“I heard that Mr. McDonnell’s room has been converted into a daycare, and Mr. Poli’s room has been transformed into a nightclub!” Gina Schneider ’23 said.

The hotel is now a tourist attraction.

“I’ve been coming to Vermont every summer for 10 years, and I was getting bored of creemees and hiking up Mt. Philo,” Alex Brown said. “This new hotel will definitely be a place I spend time at.”

An opening date has yet to be announced, but the Register will report when it is released.