BHS Administration Introduces New Drag Racing Class on Top Floor of the Parking Garage

Disclaimer: This story is written for April Fools Day. All quotes and information are fake and purely for entertainment. Please do not take any of this seriously. Ok? Ok.


Downtown BHS parking garage: site of alleged speeding incidents. Photo Credit: Lea Mihok

It was late in the day at the downtown Macy’s and fourth block had just begun. Most students were already tired from a long day of learning and aching to go home. Not the members of Robert Hill’s new auto class. These students waited eagerly, bouncing on their toes and craning their necks, anticipating their chance to race.

Drag Racing 101 was added to the 2021 course list as a part of the BHS administration’s efforts to promote safer driving in the parking garage

“Speeding in the parking garage has been a major issue,” Recently appointed BHS principal and former Macy’s floor  manager, Michael Peterson, said. “The speed limit in the garage is 15 mph and students are going anywhere from 18 to 20. It’s just ridiculous. At first, we asked students to go slower, but they didn’t. So we thought we should teach them to speed safely.”

The class has allowed many students to show off their speeding skills.

“A lot of kids are pretty good at speeding already,”  Hill said. “Mostly I’ve just been showing them how to steer, where the brake is, things like that.”

One particularly talented student is Jake Smith, a BHS junior. After getting caught speeding in the garage 23 times, Smith’s attendance of Drag Racing 101 was mandatory. He quickly proved his skill, beating out every other student and going so fast he even broke a few NASCAR records.

“I don’t know,” Smith said when asked about his success. “That’s kind of just how I drive.”

While many students have proven skilled at racing, administration has yet to see results in the rest of the garage.

“We’d hoped they’d be driving safer.” Peterson said. “In actuality, we’ve had a lot of students challenging each other to races outside of class, and students who don’t attend trying to prove they can race just as well. It’s been quite disheartening.”

Despite the setbacks, Drag Racing 101 is here to stay.

“Who knows,” Peterson said. “We might get some students who go on to race professionally, and we’ve only had one casualty so far. Overall, I think it’s a great opportunity.”