BHS Relocation Revealed to be Part of Promotion for Macy’s Brand Clothing

Disclaimer: This story is written for April Fools Day. All quotes and information are fake and purely for entertainment. Please do not take any of this seriously. Ok? Ok.


Photo: Flickr

After a month-long investigation, the Register can now report that Macy’s Department Store provided BSD an estimated $6 million to participate in a promotion for Macy’s apparel. 

BHS’ move to the abandoned Macy’s building on 67 Cherry Street was phase one of the campaign. The district is set to move into phase two of the deal on April 5, which will make wearing the new line compulsory for all students. Eventually, in phase three, the new Downtown BHS will be partially reverted back to a department store with students required to pose as mannequins during their study halls. 

Students’ reactions to these new revelations were varied. 

“I’ve actually always wanted to model,” Senior Jace Collins said. “I really think this could be my big break.” 

BSD originally tried to conceal their involvement with Macy’s by listing the $6 million as a surplus from the previous year in their Fiscal Year 2022 budget. However, the Register was able to trace it back to Macy’s. Superintendent Flanagan urged the community to understand the district’s position. 

“We were desperate,” he said. “Costs for the BHS ReEnvisioning and PCB mitigation were going to increase taxes by 12.5%. The Board was even considering requiring teachers to sell their extra kidney to generate funds. We had no choice!” 

According to Stephanie Plum, Macy’s head of marketing, the department hoped the publicity generated from interest in the unique experience of attending high school in a department store would revive teenagers’ interest in Macy’s by association. Right now, only 37% of their shoppers fall in the 18 to 34 age range. 

“We wanted to stage an ad campaign that would have a good chance of reaching a wide audience,” Plum said. “Nobody on the marketing team had any good ideas, and then we heard about BHS.”

So far, Macy’s plan has succeeded in getting their name once again in the headlines as news organizations such as the Buzzfeed, Slate, and the Boston Globe have already reported on BHS’ Macy’s move. The attention has Plum’s team already looking for new students to participate in the campaign. 

“We’re really hoping the CVU building is overrun with radioactive rats or something,” Plum said. “They have some serious star talent we could utilize.”