After extensive study, district settles on 3:00 AM start time

Disclaimer: This story is written for April Fools Day. All quotes and information are fake and purely for entertainment. Please do not take any of this seriously. Ok? Ok.


At 3:00 AM Thursday, March 31, students and teachers stumbled to class not so bright but quite early. 

Throughout the year, the district has experimented with pushing BHS start times back later and later to support adolescent development. 

“I really liked when they pushed the time to 11:00 am,” Jason Smith ’24 said. “I admit I got a little wary when it was moved to 2:00 pm. 10:00 pm was annoying. And now we’re at 3:00 am! I think the school’s finally hit the sweet spot!”

School Board member Stephen Carey offered his opinion.

“We have almost gone full circle,” Carey said. “I think we finally found the perfect balance. I am so proud of our efforts.”

Studies show that teenagers do not get enough sleep. With this new schedule, school ends by 9:15 AM. Even with clubs, sports, and homework students can crawl into bed by noon.

Vice Principal Francesca Dupuis described students recently as unresponsive and irritable.

“I’m sure it’s just a phase,” Dupuis said. “My two-year-old seems to be in a similar funk at the moment.”

The Register stopped Seahorses in the hall to gather their perspectives but had difficulty conducting full interviews. Fortunately, Dylan Brown ‘23 agreed to speak on record.

“Shut up,” he said.

Viewed by her classmates as “super annoying,” Dawn Clark said that her productivity increased dramatically with the earlier start time.

“I’ve always been a morning person,” she said. “Oh yeah! I’m pumped!”

No one knows how the new changes have affected tardiness and general attendance. The front office staff keep falling asleep on the job.