Archeology class strikes gold in pit

Disclaimer: This story is written for April Fools Day. All quotes and information are fake and purely for entertainment. Please do not take any of this seriously.

Macys founder Rowland Hussey Macys pocket watch discovered in pit

Macy’s founder Rowland Hussey Macy’s pocket watch discovered in pit

On March 22, students in BHS’ new archeology class were hard at work, getting their hands dirty in Burlington’s infamous pit, when one student discovered the prize of a lifetime: Macy’s founder Rowland Hussey Macy’s gold pocket watch. 

“I couldn’t believe it!” Lucy Clapton ‘23 said. “Usually all we find is beer cans and cigarettes. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the gold.” 

With the discovery, DtBHS has now been named a World Heritage Site. It has also become a must see stop on Trip Advisor’s depressing abandoned department stores guided tour. 

“I can’t believe THE Rowland pocket watch was found here,” Tourist David Buckum said. “I almost skipped coming for a depressing abandoned Kohl’s down in Florida. But nothing beats this.”

The archeology class debuted in September with the start of the 2021-2022 school year. Students learn about Burlington’s history through the objects they unearth. 

“How many schools do you know of that are right next to a giant hole in the ground?” Principal Lauren McBride said. “We are so excited to be taking advantage of our new downtown location.” 

The pit’s proximity to the school was initially a cause for concern for administration, with several students breaking bones upon falling in. Freshman Suzie Smith is still missing weeks after she was seen walking home along the pit’s edge. 

“We’ve had several lawsuits,” McBride said. “I am so thankful we’ve figured out a way to utilize the space. And please, if anyone knows a spelunker qualified to go down there to search for Suzie, please contact us.” 

Students in the archeology class attach themselves to a rope with carabiners and rappel down the side to reach the pit’s bottom. 

“I was so scared the first time we went down there,” Josh Whitlock ‘24 said. “The bottom was covered in mist, and we couldn’t see where we were going. I felt like I was descending into hell. The bright lights of the living world were getting farther and farther away. It still gives me shivers.” 

The district originally hoped to auction the pocket watch to pay for the new BHS. But with the increase in tourism, they are now considering remaining at the Macy’s.

“With luck, this archeology class could turn a serious profit for us,” McBride said. “We’re considering asking the City to demolish the neighboring L.L Bean for even more pit for our students to explore.”