Breaking: Former Macy’s Store Manager to Assume Position of BHS Principal

Disclaimer: This story is written for April Fools Day. All quotes and information are fake and purely for entertainment. Please do not take any of this seriously. Ok? Ok.

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On April 1, 2021 Superintendent Flanagan announced via email that former Macy’s floor manager, Michael Peterson, will assume the position of BHS Principal effective immediately. 

“We have had to do a lot of problem solving this year, and I am proud to say that my team has risen to the challenge,” Flanagan said. “So when we were faced with the dual challenge of finding a new principal, and adapting to our new space at Macy’s, this seemed like the obvious solution.” 

Peterson, prior to its closure in 2018, had been employed as Macy’s floor manager for close to 10 years. Over his decade of experience, he was put in a position where he was uniquely qualified to assume principalship.  

“You know, I don’t have an administrator license,” Peterson said. “But I do know who to call when the escalators stop working.”

Peterson, however, did not directly apply for the position. A national search was conducted to find a new principal, but every member of the applicant pool rescinded their applications to take positions “literally anywhere else.” 

Peterson was not one of the applicants. Rather, he got the news Macy’s was reopening and showed up March 4 ready to work–unaware it was to be a school. Nonetheless, the district was so thrilled, he was offered the position of principal on the spot. 

“I’ll admit, Peterson is not the most conventional pick,” School Board Chair Clare Wool said. “But he knows how to run a store, and we appreciate that he was willing to work here! He is perfect!”

Peterson was taken aback by the district’s enthusiasm. 

“I was a little confused they asked me to be principal,” Peterson said. “But I get a 401k and my own office where at Macy’s I only got 20% off store-wide…so I really can’t complain.”

“We are thrilled to welcome Michael Peterson to the BHS community,” Flanagan wrote in his email. “We know he will fit right in!”